Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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