Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
