Apparently you make a good broom.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
