I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
