You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
