Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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