they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
