I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm