I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
