yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
