my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
3pm strippers are depressing
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
