hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
