Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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