I heard we made out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
