It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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