Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Found your dick twin last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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