I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
