Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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