I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
