I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
