Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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