You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
