Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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