When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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