Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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