i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
