Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
