I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
