i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
