i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
