I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
