Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
