I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
