the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
