Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
