just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
