just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize