I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
