oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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