i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
