I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT