and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
In other news, I just burned my penis
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor