He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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