You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
