Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.