my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.