And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.