Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.