if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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