What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.