Don't you send me to vm
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
