the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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