btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
