i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
