I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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