There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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