A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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