so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
