I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
