I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There are leaves in my underwear?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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