i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
