Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize