So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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