I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
