We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
