3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
