I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Houston, we have a blender
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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