I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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