I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
