Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
