I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
