The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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