only you would photoshop your dick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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