dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
