this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
