I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
