what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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