A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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