Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
