I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
