i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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