I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
