dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
