So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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