the condom got lost in my hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
