Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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