Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
