i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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