TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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